I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
