I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
