you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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