i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
