Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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