He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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