just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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