nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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