How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
