Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
