Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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