yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
