Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
