I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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