she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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