Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
