good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
