All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
