haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
