I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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