people are starting to question the shark bite story
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize