I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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