you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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