Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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