she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
