i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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