haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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