Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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