it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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