Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You can't special order awesome
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
