; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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