dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
