'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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