So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
