why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
