So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
