A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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