it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize