We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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