woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ketchup is God's man juice
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
