and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
