So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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