how can u be prego again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
