Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
