I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
