are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
