I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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