Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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