if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
