I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
