you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
