look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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