If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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