Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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