forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
