like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
