Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
