i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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