so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pappa wants mamma naked
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
