No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
