shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
