I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
