it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
whose parrot is this?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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