lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
