It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
