I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
