I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
