There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
