Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
