Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There's even glitter on my cock...
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