The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
