Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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