her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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