you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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