At least make sure they are 18
Why
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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