I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
