My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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