i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
