She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
