I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
