did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
is that a dick in a sweater?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
