i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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