I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
