After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
