I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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