Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
