I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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