based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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