ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize