well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
