Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
