is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
