just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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