They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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