We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We have so much sex to catch up on
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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