I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
