Jerry, you need to find god
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
