She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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