Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize