Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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