I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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