I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize